So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
