I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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