I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
