She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
