I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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