Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
