I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
