Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
