I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
