My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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