whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
