I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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