So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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