It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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