He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
