when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
