I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
