Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
