If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
