is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
