where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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