Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
