They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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