He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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