I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
