All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
