I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cockslap morals
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
