Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
