last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The power of my boobs compel you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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