I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
