your parents love me but you hate me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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