then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
