Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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