hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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