It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
