all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
