I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
