I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
