woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think i have two assholes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
