What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
