He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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