I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
