Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
