So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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