Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
