I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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