Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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