dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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