I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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