We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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