need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
